


the world doesn't exist, only you do

by Ravens_World



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:06:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: Michael realizes Alex is missing, and he falls apart. Everyone watches and realize, along the way, that Michael never stopped loving Alex.
Relationships: Isabel Evans & Michael Guerin, Max Evans & Michael Guerin, Michael Guerin & Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 128
Kudos: 387





	1. Isobel

**Author's Note:**

> (No guarantees this is any good, but I lost hope that I'll get to see everyone coming together to save Alex and I needed a distraction. This is the result)

Isobel got a rude wake up call in the middle of the night in the form of a stab of fear so strong that it knocked the breath out of her. 

"Michael," she whispered to herself, her heart thumping against her ribcage as a second wave of panic threatened to overwhelm her. She didn't know if it was hers or Michael's, and so she struggled to ignore it as best as she could and focus on getting help.

When she managed to sit up in her bed, she found herself reaching blindly for her phone. She called Michael twice before giving up when he didn't answer. So she tried Max.

He picked up on the second ring. "Max, something's wrong with Michael."

"Yeah," he chocked out. "I felt him, too. Go to him, Isobel."

She frowned. "Max, are you okay? You don't sound so good."

"Don't worry about me, please just go check on Michael. And keep me updated?" 

She heard a pained grunt and then the line went dead. She closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath. _Worry about Michael first, then Max._

The drive to Michael's place was short, and when she got there, she found the area around his airstream was in total disarray. She barged into his airstream fearing the worst and she had one second to feel the utter relief at seeing him alive, before dread filled her At the state he was in.

In all the time she'd known him, Michael had never looked so unhinged, for the lack of a better word. There were so many emotions playing out on his face that she had trouble pinpointing them all. There was heartbreak, guilt, anger, but the strongest one, the one that had filtered through their connection, was pure, _unadulterated_ fear. 

"Michael? What's going on?"

Michael stumbled forward and put his hands on her upper arms. She could feel his nails biting into the soft flesh of her arms , but she didn't care. "What's wrong?" 

"He's gone," Michael chocked out. 

"Who's gone, Michael?" Isobel asked gently. 

"Alex!" Isobel only noticed the paper clutched in his hand then. She put her hand on Michael's and pried it out of his hand. Michael snatched it out of her hand before she could see what was on it and let out a shuddering breath. "He had this with him when he left. He- we got into a fight and he left. At least, I thought he did. I found this, though and- Iz, he wouldn't just lose this. Something must have happened to him."

"What is it?" Isobel asked gently, pointing at the paper.

"It doesn't matter!" Michael shouted. "Alex is gone and I need you to help me find him."

"Okay," Isobel soothed. She watched as his face crumbled and pulled Michael into her arms, and his came up to clutch at her back. He let out a shuddering breath and she felt him shaking against her. Isobel tightened her arms around him and kept them both up with slight difficulty. It took him a while to calm down, and when he did, she pulled him back by the shoulders and looked him in the eye. "We'll figure it out, Michael."

"I have to get him back, Iz" Michael chocked out. "I said some things that I- I can't lose him.."

"We'll get him back, Michael," Isobel assured him. "We'll get everybody together and we'll find him."

"Okay," he scrubbed a hand down his face and nodded. "I'll call them."

"Not _now_."

He glared at her. "Why not? We have to start looking for him now."

"Michael, it's 2 am. We'll call them first thing in the morning, okay?"

He protested, but she didn't relent. It took her almost thirty minutes to convince him to lay down, but she managed it. She sat down next to his head, then put a pillow in her lap and bullied him into putting his head on it.

He let out a tired sigh and she tightened her grip on his arm. "Hey, it's gonna be okay."

He shook his head. "You can't know that, Iz."

"Talk to me," she ordered gently.

"You were right."

She raised an eyebrow. "I usually am. But what are you talking about, specifically?"

"Remember that night when we talked to Sanders? When you said I'm good at manufacturing things to be angry about?"

Isobel nodded. "You are." Her tone was mild; she wasn't judging him, but she wasn't going to coddle him, either.

"You were right. And it's especially true when it comes to Alex." He sucked in a deep breath and cleared his throat. "I've been so hard on him lately and the bitch of it is, I didn't see it; I never saw it. He always left; always walked away from me, but he always came back, and I never, not once, acknowledged that. He's not a saint, but he tried so hard and I- I stopped trying the minute he did. I went after Maria, even though I knew she was his best friend. I tried to push him away so many times, but he stayed and he -" Isobel waited patiently as he tried to pull himself together. "I keep replaying our last conversation in my head, you know that? I hurt him. And afterwards, I was in my bunker, too busy being angry at him to notice that he needed me."

Isobel listened, and she hurt for him. There was nothing she could say to him to make this easier so she slid out from under the pillow and shoved him gently to one side of the bed. Once she was sitting on the other side of the small bed, she dragged him closer and though he huffed in annoyance, he didn't protest. He ended up laying his head on her stomach and she tried to hold him as tightly as she could, hoping to keep the pain at bay, at least for a little while. "Close your eyes. Sleep."

"I can't sleep, Iz."

"Try," she whispered, running her hand soothingly through his hair.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see him hurt, or dying. It's driving me insane." He struggled to sit up, but gave up halfway from how exhausted he was. He slumped back against her and she could tell he was fighting sleep and was was losing.

She racked her brain for a way to speed up the process. "Hey, tell me something happy, about Alex. A memory of you two."

He blinked up at her and was silent for all of two seconds before he spoke. "We had a spot, in the desert," he began, his words so fond she felt tears prickle at the corners of her eyes. "I would drive us out there and we would just lay in the bed of my truck for hours." He let out a wet laugh. "You know how I was obsessed with the stars and the constellations when we were kids? Well, There was this one night, he snuck out to meet me and- I remember I spent the night telling him about them. And he just- he listened, Iz. He listened to me talk about the stupid stars for hours, and he never complained-" his words were starting to slur, and she was glad he had his eyes closed, because she didn't want him to see that she was crying silently. "-I never told him that was the night I fell in love with him. I never told him that I I love him, Iz," he whispered, his voice a quiet, broken thing.

"You'll get to, Michael." She leant down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. " I'll make sure of it."


	2. Gregory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A couple of things to remember: I'm only going on what little I saw from the promo, so this is probably highly inaccurate AND I don't trust Gregory Manes, but I also want to so in this fic, he's a good guy in a bad situation)

When Gregory got a call from his father about needing to read him in on a mission, he knew something was very wrong. For one thing, his father probably had a dozen of soldiers at his disposal at any given time, and for another, he hadn't spoken to Gregory in oer a year. In fact, the last time he'd spoken to his father had been a very brief, very loud conversation that had started with him informing Jesse that he was leaving the navy and had ended with Jesse telling him that he was a disappointment and to not bother coming back home.

Gregory had told him to fuck off in no uncertain terms, but then his dad had mentioned Aiyana and Gregory was ready to do whatever he wanted as long as he never heard his father utter her name again.

Which was why he found himself in an abandoned building, wondering what he'd done in a past life to deserve having Jesse Manes as a father. He was seriously contemplating calling Alex and asking him for back up when he heard his father's car pull up. He took a deep breath to calm himself and then seconds later he was face to face with his father. He was leaning on a cane and all Gregory could feel was a vicious sense of justice at seeing him this weak.

"Do you know where you brother is?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Which one?"

Jesse sneered at him and Gregory nearly rolled his eyes. 

"Alex."

He struggled to keep the fear for his brother out of his face and shrugged, aiming for casual. "I have no idea. And since when do you care?"

"He has something of mine." 

"Sounds like a you problem. Why am I here, dad?"

"Because," he let out through gritted teeth, "I need your help."

Well, that was a first. 

"What do you want from me?" 

"Find him for me."

"What's so important that you would threaten your own-"

Before he got to finish, a body slammed into his father and sent him crashing into a wall. Gregory barely managed to move away before they flew past him. He could only watch as Michael Guerin stood over his father and looked down at him with a look of such hatred that had a shiver run down his spine. He then turned around and bent down, grabbing his father's cane. His father groaned and Gregory turned to him, watched him struggle to sit up. He looked at him expectantly and Gregory grudgingly moved forward to help him up.

"Don't move," Michael told him, voice dangerously low. 

Gregory held up his hands and debated whether or not he should turn around. Seconds later, he found himself laying face down on the cold, hard cement floor. He struggled to remain conscious and listen in on the conversation Michael and his father were having, but he was sure he was seconds away from passing out. 

"What did you do with Alex?" Michael asked and he sounded angry as hell. Gregory, his mind foggy, tried his best to make sense of what was happening. His father had tasked him with finding Alex, so why would Michael think his dad had something to do with whatever had happened? Fear gripped his heart in vice hold. Michael being here, doing this, was a clear confirmation that something had happened to his brother. Gregory closed his eyes as the world started spinning-

-and opened them when he felt a few firm slaps against his cheek. Gregory groaned and tried to sit up. He felt a gun press down onto his back and immediately stilled. His vision swam and he swallowed, trying to quell the nausea he was starting to feel. 

He had a concussion. Lovely.

"Where the hell is Alex?!"

"I don't fucking know." He rolled to the side and forcefully pushed the other man's hand away, catching him off guard and disarming him. He emptied the clip in a practiced move and managed to sit up, but it cost him as his vision started to blur at the edges. So he sat there, dizzy and pissed off and glared daggers at Michael. "What happened to Alex?" 

Michael scoffed. "Like you don't know."

He narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't," he snapped at him. He gingerly lifted a hand and touched the back of his head, hissing as his fingers made contact with the bump already forming. "Tell me what the hell happened to my brother, Guerin."

Michael watched him closely. Gregory didn't mind the scrutiny, but his head was sore, he was going to puke any second now and with each second that passed, his worry for Alex increased tenfold. He needed answers.

While Michael was watching him, he took the opportunity to do the same. The man did not look good. He looked almost feral, eyes wild and constantly moving around. The bags under his eyes could have their own zip codes and his whole body was twitching. His heart sank as he realized that whatever happened to his brother was bad. "Michael, please just tell me what's going on. Is my brother okay?" His voice cracked and he saw the other man visibly soften. 

His shoulders dropped and when he spoke, he sounded defeated. "I don't know. We don't have anything to go on. I just know that he's gone. Has been for two days now. And I think you had something to do with it."

Gregory managed to twist and lean to the side just in time to lose his lunch on the floor and not on his shirt. He winced and tried to breathe deeply in an effort to calm his roiling stomach. He closed his eyes, breathed through the pain and talked himself into not tackling Guerin, or punch him in the face. Mainly because because he didn't think he could do either without passing out again. "I didn't have anything to do with whatever happened. And if you accuse me of that again, I'll punch your teeth in."

Michael smiled wryly. "Noted."

"What do you have so far?"

Michael shook his head wildly and laughed, almost hysterical. "Nothing. We have nothing."

"That's not-" he stopped and hissed as his head throbbed. A headache on top of everything else was the icing on top of this crappy cake. "There's gotta be something we can go on. You said it's been two days."

"There's nothing. Your dad was my best bet, but he keeps saying he doesn't know where he is. And- right now, Max is sick and- he isn't in the force anymore. Cameron is on leave. We can't tell the sheriff yet because we don't know if we *can* and- Alex's phone is off, I don't know what he was working on because I barely talked to him. I- I don't- I can't-"

His breathing was erratic and was way too fast. If he kept this up, Gregory was sure Michael would pass out. Michael got up, paced for a few seconds then bent down, hands on his knees. His loud gasps were painful to hear and Gregory was at a loss. He struggled to get to his feet and once he was up, he cautiously moved towards the other man. He put a hand on his back and when he didn't push him off, he guided him back to sit on the floor with his back against the wall. Then he sat down beside him and resisted the urge to laugh. The man had just knocked him unconscious a few minutes ago, and now he was trying to help him through a panic attack, albeit poorly.

Michael didn't seem to need his help though, and got himself under control, eventually, but Gregory knew the panic attack must have exhausted him. "I'm sorry I hit you."

Gregory waved him off. "It's fine. I've had worse. Though why you did it is beyond me."

Michael nodded at his father and Gregory let out a snort as he saw his father sprawled out on the floor. Of course his dad was the reason. He'd gotten him in this mess in the first place. "Is he alive?"

"Yeah."

 _Pity_. "What'd you do to him?"

"Knocked his head into the wall. Several times."

"I get the urge to do that, I really do, but why would you put yourself on his radar if you weren't absolutely sure he was involved?"

"Alex is missing. I didn't have the time to be sure."

"Well, I can understand why you thought he was involved, but why would you think _I_ was?"

Michael scratched his head and shrugged sheepishly. "Saw your dad at Alex's house.I heard him talking to you and I just- I may have jumped to conclusions?"

Gregory snorted. "That's an understatement."

Michael pulled his bent legs into his chest and rested his forehead on a knee. "I just need to find him."

Gregory kept silent for a second, waiting him out, then spoke when Michael didn't add anything. "We will." Gregory refused to even contemplate any other outcome. 

"It's my fault." 

His brows furrowed in confusion. "What is?" 

"I was right there, Greg. Whoever took him got the jump on him when he was leaving my place."

He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Are you two-"

Michael shook his head, regret rolling off him in waves. "No, we're not."

"It's not your fault, Guerin."

He scoffed, unconvinced. "If I had stopped him, if I had gone after him, none of this would be happening."

"You can't think like that, man. It'll destroy you."

They sat in a silence filled with so much guilt and fear that it nearly suffocated him.

"Why are you working with Jesse? Alex said you left everything behind years ago. What changed?"

Gregory hesitated before he pulled out his phone, opened the gallery and clicked on a photo. He handed the phone to Michael and watched his face soften. "Who's this?" 

Gregory smiled. "Aiyana. My daughter." 

"She's beautiful. How old is she?" 

"Eleven months old," Gregory answered.

Michael's face broke out in a small smile. "She- call me crazy, but I think she has his nose," Michael said softly, wistfully.

Gregory nodded in agreement. "His eyes, too." 

Michael nodded. "You haven't told him, have you? About her?"

Gregory shook his head, guilty. "We barely spoke before you guys came to the res. And, it was safer for her if no one knew. My dad- he's a monster and I knew he would use her against me if he found out about her." He laughed bitterly. "Sometimes I hate being right."

"You should tell him about her, if-" he stumbled on the word, then corrected, " _when_ we find him."

"I will."

Michael took one last look at his little girl, eyes impossibly soft, and muttered what Gregory thought sounded like 'uncle Alex' with a hint of wonder. 

He swallowed a lump in his throat and clasped Michael's arm when he gave him his phone back. The man looked down at his hand with a frown of confusion and gave him a questioning look. "When we find him, and we will, you better get your act together and tell him how you feel."

He shook his head. "I don't kn-"

"Oh, save it." Gregory rolled his eyes. "You love my brother. It's clear as day. So, get your head out of your ass and, when we find him, don't waste any more time, will you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (We haven't seen much of Gregory so I hope neither he nor Michael seem OOC. Also, yes I gave him a daughter and the reasons for that are as follows: Tanner, the actor who played Gregory has a daughter and she is adorable AND I have been craving some Alex with kids fics for a while and there is a serious lack of that in this fandom. 
> 
> In other news, I may or may not be planning on writing a 5+1 Malex kid fic.. would anyone be interested in that??)


	3. Maria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me start by saying I am not a fan of the Miluca relationship, but I do love Maria (less now after everything went down, but still) but I really really hope I got Maria's voice right and that I was fair to her.

3.Maria

When Michael came into her bar just before opening time, Maria wordlessly set out a drink for him and gave him a smile that faltered once she got a good look at him.

He had a faraway look in his eyes; almost like his body was was here, but his soul was elsewhere. He looked her dead in the eye and she nearly gasped at the blank expression on his face. She tried to smile, and held his hand once he was sitting on a bar stool right in front of her. Michael didn't smile back and though he didn't pull his hand away from hers, he didn't react in any way.

Her heart sank. Michael had been pulling away from her little by little ever since Alex had gone missing. She'd seen him all of two times in the past three days, and hadn't been able to get him alone in either time, and he didn't seem to make an effort to go out of his way to see her. Three days shouldn't change a person so much, but it was like pieces of him were missing. 

She decided to do what she always did best with things that overwhelmed her; she ignored it.

"Hey." She nudged the drink closer and watched him move it around before he took a deep breath and pushed the glass away. The action startled her and just then, it occurred to her that since Alex had gone missing, he hadn't touched a drink. She shook off the thought and forced a smile back on her face.

"You okay?" 

He was staring at where her hand lay on his wrist, and he didn't answer. "Michael? Are you okay?"

He shook his head and barely made eye contact before his eyes returned to the same spot. She looked down at her hand and froze when she understood what he was staring at and, in the same breath, realized why he had come to see her. 

She'd foolishly thought he was there to see her, hoping that three days of barely any contact made him miss her. From the looks of it, though, missing her was the last thing on his mind.

Michael was here to ask her to take off her bracelet to try to find Alex. And though she hoped the reason he wasn't asking right away, that he was hesitant, was because asking her to do something that would endanger her was weighing on him, but she knew, deep in her bones, that the only reason he hadn't blurted out his request was because he didn't know how to _say_ it.

She wordlessly held her wrist out to him and nodded at the bracelet. He somehow managed to look both relieved and guilty. "Maria-"

"I've already tried, but I got nothing. But, if it makes you feel better, I'll try again."

He nodded and quickly undid the clasp. The bracelet fell to the bar top, and she stared at it for all of a second before she held out her hand for him, wigglingher fingers in a silent request for him to hold her hand. Her heart gave a flutter as their hands connected, but she ruthlessly pushed the feeling away as she reminded herself why they were holding hands in the first place. He took her hand hesitantly, with a questioning look. "I don't have anything else of his here," she explained.

He looked startled. "I'm not-"

"You are." She shook her head with a self-deprecating smile. "I was just really good at fooling myself when I thought otherwise. We both were."

"I'm sorry."

She took his hand in hers. 

"Me too."

The minute she touched his hand, she wasn't in her bar anymore. Maria looked around and found herself in a small, bare room. It took her a second to realize that the heap at the corner furthest away from her was Alex. She rushed to his side just as he groaned and rolled over. Maria gasped and bent down, hands outstretched as if to touch him, but she knew it was pointless. 

He was shirtless and though the lighting was very dim, she could tell he was bruised all over. Tears welled in her eyes as she watched him bite down on his lips and drag himself upward into a sitting position when he heard the silent woosh of what Maria realized was a cell. When the door opened, all traces of pain were gone, and she noted that his captors had taken his prosthetic. Whereas minutes ago, he'd looked miserable and in pain, now he seemed collected, no hint of expression on his face. 

When had he mastered the art of hiding his feelings so well that even she, who had seen him in pain just seconds before, was having trouble recognizing the lie- and realized he always had. She'd just always loved him enough to keep digging beneath the surface. It made her wonder when she'd decided to be willfully ignorant when it came to him.

The guards who came in dragged him out of the cell, and though Maria tried to pay attention to the surroundings, there wasn't much to go on except grey concrete walls and empty cell blocks.

They deposited him none too gently in a chair inside a room that looked like a torture chamber and Maria's hand flew to her mouth to stifle a sob. 

She was pulled out just as a masked figure entered the room. The last thing she saw was Alex's cold, too wide smile.

"Maria?! Maria, what did you see?"

She felt something cold on her upper lip and when she swiped a hand under her nose, it came away bloody. Michael didn't notice.

"Maria, did you see him?"

"Yeah, I did."

She looked at him pointedly, then waved her bloody fingers in front of his face. His eyes widened and he nearly fell over in his haste to get her a tissue. 

"There wasn't anything helpful in the vision," she informed him, struggling to keep her voice steady.

"What did you see, Maria?"

She hesitated, breaking eye contact. 

"Maria," he snapped.

"He was hurt, okay? Really hurt. They had him in a dark room and they- they were about to hurt him again before my vision ended."

He let out a noise that she likened to a wounded animal and she let a tear fall as she saw him dig the heels of his hands into his eyes, probably in an effort to stop any tears from escaping. 

She watched him visibly pull himself together. "Did you at least see anyone? Anything recognizable?"

She shook her head.

He let out a groan of frustration. "Can you try again?"

She stared at him and tried really really hard not to be hurt, tried to reason that she herself had been about to suggest they try again, but the truth was, she was hurt and she was angry that she seemed to be less important to him the moment Alex seemed to be in the picture. 

She loved Alex, and she would never let anything jeopardize him, but she could already feel herself getting weaker. She'd pushed herself beyond her limits in the past two days trying to find him, not that she had told anyone. She hadn't told Michael specifically because she thought he might try to stop her. 

And considering the current situation, wasn't that ironic?

"I'm sorry. I just want to bring him home," he told her, miserable and radiating pain. It was honestly hard to be around him with nothing to dull her powers. This was probably the first time she was able to get a read on him that wasn't too muffled, and of course it had to be because his feelings for Alex were to big to be ignored or put in a box to be hidden away.

"You love him."

She expected denial. She expected anger or deflection. What she didn't expect was for his shoulders to slump in resignation as he looked down at her.

"I do. I tried to stop, you have to believe me, Maria. I tried to bury it. Hell, I thought if I got him to hate me, I'd be able to stop loving him. But he never did, and so I never did." She didn't think he was aware of it, but there was a small, helpless smile on his lips. "He's a part of me and- loving him is like breathing at this point. I can't just decide to stop doing it. And like I said, I've been trying, it just- I see him, and all that effort goes out the window."

She turned away from him and tried her best to stop the tears from falling. Regret filled her as she realized that she'd almost ruined her friendship with Alex for a guy that was never going to be hers. 

"Maria, I'm so so-"

"No," she snapped, whirling around to glare at him. "We're done, Guerin. Now leave my bar and come back in a few hours so we can try to find him again."

"Maria-"

"I don't want you to come at all, but that was the most vivid vision I had ever, and it probably has everything to do with you and your feelings for Alex," ahe informed him and watched a complicated expression spread over his face. She was pissed off enough to not even attempt to decipher it and shook her head. "I can't believe I was stupid enough ignored my instincts and let you convince me it was over for you."

"If it's any consolation, I convinced myself it was over, too."

Maria shook her head. "Leave, Michael. And come back in a few hours," she repeated, her teeth gritted and fighting back tears.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Maria."

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry I let it get this far."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed (let me know if you do 👀)


	4. Liz

4\. Liz

"Michael? What are you doing here so early?"

"Could ask you the same."

She quickly looked him over; same clothes from yesterday, hair messier than ever and his eyes surrounded by bags that looked more like bruises. "Did you even go home last night?"

He didn't answer.

"Michael,you need to go home and rest. Please."

Michael shook his head and continued reading the files he'd managed to get from Alex's place. She didn't know what he was hoping to find in them, and she didn't question him about it. Honestly, even if nothing panned out from them, at least it gave him something to do.

"Michael."

"What, Liz?! You think I'm gonna be able to go home and _rest_ when I know he's out there, being tortured? When I don't know if he's getting to eat, or sleep? He's been gone for four days, Liz. Four days and we've still got nothing."

Liz's eyes welled with tears as she watched him fall apart right in front of her. "Listen, I get how hard this is for you-"

He cut her off with a pained laugh. "You really, _really_ don't, Liz."

She faltered but then regained her composure. "What I meant was, I get that you're worried about him. I am, too."

Michael stared at her incredulously. "Are you seriously comparing how _I'm_ feeling right now to how _you_ feel?" 

"I love him, too, Michael!" Liz tried not to be hurt by the dismissive attitude and took a deep breath. "I know you two had history. I know he was your first love, and that you loved him for a long tim-"

"Stop." Though his tone was calm, deceptively so, Liz could see that he was anything but. Lab equipment started rattling and though she wasn't afraid of him, Liz was seriously starting to be afraid _for_ him. Max had always told that out of the three of them, Michael had always been the one with the most control over his powers. To know that Alex's disappearance had caused him to lose that control was eye opening. 

"You wanna know how I feel right now, Liz?"

She nodded hesitantly, wondering what the right way to handle this Michael was. 

"Remember how it felt when you thought Max might die for good?Remember how it felt to know that there were so many things you wanted to say but didn't, because you always thought that you had the time? Remember that moment when you did everything right and you were faced with the possibility of losing him anyway?" Her breath knocked out of her, she could only nod again. "I've been living in that moment for the past four days."

Tears spilled from her eyes as his voice cracked and she saw in that moment, how scared and helpless and _in love_ he was. 

"Mikey," she whispered, closing the distance between them and pulling him into her arms.

"I need him back," he whispered quietly, brokenly, as he hugged her back and rested his head on hers.

"We will get him back. You'll get him back."

"God, I hope so," he chocked out.

"You really love him, huh?"

He shrugged helplessly and smiled, crooked and sad. "You know, it feels like I haven't been able to take a full breath ever since I found out he was gone? I thought I was used to missing him, but apparently, I was wrong." 

Tears spilled over her cheeks and she wiped them away hastily. "How could I have missed this? It feels so- it feels so significant."

His mouth twisted in a bitter smile and she wished she could take back what she'd said. "We didn't want anyone to know. He didn't want anyone to know."

"Why?"

"I think it was because he was ashamed of me."

Liz looked at him incredulously. "Alex? *Ashamed*?" 

Michael shrugged. "He never wanted us to be seen together. Only time we ever got close was at the drive-in, and that ended in disaster."

"You know, for a genius, you can be really stupid, Mikey."

He raised an eyebrow. "If he was ashamed of you, why would he hang out with you in the first place? And- correct me if I'm wrong, but it was never just you. I have never seen him go on a date, in public, with any guy, even back in high school."

Michael said nothing, but his gaze dropped to his hands. Liz came to stand in front of him and took both his hands in hers. "This is just me guessing, but- he didn't have the best life at home. I never asked, and he never told me, but I always felt, deep down, that he was being abused, and- I think it was directly related to his sexuality. Knowing what I know now, I kinda wish I *had* asked, though; maybe he would have opened up to me more." Liz sniffled and tried to smile through her tears. "Sorry, went off track there. Anyways, what I want to say is, maybe you should consider that what made him pull away from you wasn't shame, but fear."

A tear made its way past his closed eyelids and she wiped it away gently. "Maybe when he gets back, you two can talk about it? Maybe work it out?"

"Maybe," he whispered softly, and there was an edge of hope to his words that she was proud of. 

Michael cleared his throat and looked away. When he looked back at her, all traces of the earlier vulnerability were gone and he nodded toward the desk she'd been sitting at. "What are you working on?"

"I am trying to find a serum to help Max "unlock his memories". Nothing's worked so far and I'm stumped."

His face twisted and she held up a hand to stop him. "I know what you're gonna say, but Michael, Max almost killed himself trying to remember what happened before you three got here. And I just-" she shrugged helplessly. "-I worry about Alex every day. But there is literally nothing I can do to help find him. So I'm focusing on what I *can* do. Which is this-" she gestured at the space around her. "-and you can't blame me for it."

He slumped against the desk opposite her."I'm not. I just- it doesn't feel like you guys are taking it seriously, and it's driving me crazy."

Liz smirked. "I mean, we're not knocking people unconscious and holding them at gunpoint, so maybe we're *not* taking it seriously," she teased him.

He huffed. "Greg's not gonna let me forget that, is he?"

"Not a chance. He's been telling everyone about it. I think Max is working on a lecture."

Michael groaned, then sobered. "He's okay, right? I know I should've checked up on him more but-"

"He told me he understood, which I guess means he knows about you and Alex?" At his nod, she continued, though she did add a mental note to grill her boyfriend on how exactly he'd stumbled upon that piece of information. "He's also been practicing, trying to get his powers back to what they were before Rosa."

"Is that safe right now?"

"It's not, but he said it was just in case," she told him with a pointed look.

Michael shook his head in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Just in case he needed them to heal Alex?" If Liz hadn't been watching him closely, she might have missed the blush that colored his cheeks. 

He tried to appear nonchalant, but she could tell he was touched. "Max said that?"

"He did. Now, get your ass off that chair and go home," she gathered the files, and when he tried to take a few, she slapped his hands away. "I'll look through them, Michael. I promise."

He swallowed thickly and looked to the side. 

"You need to sleep, to eat something." She nudged his chin with a finger. Then she bodily dragged him away and pushed him out the door. "Can't have you looking like you're about to keel when you do your knight in shining armor routine," she called out.

The last thing she heard before he disappeared was his startled laugh. 

She smiled to herself and returned to her chair. She pulled the first file on top of the pile and began working through it. She was halfway through when her phone buzzed. 

*Will you come over tonight? I miss you*

She smiled and texted him back: * _I miss you, too_ *

Her eyes drifted to the stack of files Michael had left and she decided seeing Max right now could wait. * _I'm not gonna make it home tonight.*_

*Something wrong?*

* _Ran into Michael at the lab. Sent him home and promised I'd look at some of the files he brought to find a clue for where Alex is. It_ might take me all day to go through them, though*

*He okay?*

* _He will be, once we find Alex_ *

*Yeah*  
*Thank you for taking care of him. I'm surprised he listened* 

_*It took bribery and him operating on what I assume is less than a couple of hours of sleep in the past four days, but I did it!!*_

* _And how are you today? Any urge to drink a serum that could kill you?*_

She could picture him rolling his eyes. *You're never letting that go, are you?*

* _Not a chance, babe*_  
* _Gotta go, lots of work to do_ *

*Love you*

* _Love you too*_

It took her six hours to go through the files and check and double check her findings. She knew she had to be absolutely sure before she told Michael, because the last thing she wanted was to give him was false hope.

But it was staring at her right in the face. 

Liz had just found the first tangible lead on who had taken Alex.

She didn't waste any time. She grabbed her jacket, the files and her phone, locked up and headed for her car. She called Max on her way to Michael's place.

"Max! I think I know where they're keeping Alex."

"What?! Liz, are you absolutely sure?"

She deflated. "No. But, I think it's the closest we've been to finding him and it's worth checking out."

"That's great, Liz." He sighed in relief. "I hope it does pan out, because if it doesn't-" he trailed off, but she understood what he wanted to say. After her talk with him earlier today, she understood that the more time passed with Alex stil missing, the more pieces they lost of Michael.

"I get it," she told Max quietly. "But you need to get to Michael's, okay? I'm on my way there, but- Max, I'm gonna need you to be there to stop him if he decides to go after him alone."

"Already on my way, Liz."

"Okay. I'll see you there."

They hung up and Liz took a deep breath and prayed for Alex to be alright, not just because he was her friend and she couldn't bear to lose another person she loved, but also because if something happened to Alex, she wasn't sure Michael would ever be okay without him, not for a very long time.


	5. Max

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading!!!

When he got the call from Liz that she had a pretty good idea about where Alex might be and she needed him there with her when she told Michael, Max was filled with both relief because they were closer to finding Alex and dread because it would take nothing short of a miracle to stop Michael from going in blindly. 

Max knocked on the door of Michael's airstream and frowned when he got no answer. He knocked again and when he got no answer, opened the door. It used to annoy him that Michael never locked it, but now he was grateful for it. To his surprise, Michael wasn't there. 

He took out his phone and called Michael. 

He answered on the second ring. "Max?"

He sounded like Max had just woken him up, and the thought made him oddly happy. That he woke him up meant he'd been sleeping, something which Max thought he hadn't been doing since Alex went missing. 

"Hey, where are you?"

"What's going on?" Michael sounded a bit uncomfortable for some reason, but Max didn't push. 

"I just wanted to check up on you, man."

"I'm fine, Max."

"Michael, just tell me where you are."

There was silence on the other end, then Michael cleared his throat. "Alex's house."

There was an edge to his words, and Max didn't know whether it was due to embarrassment or defensiveness, but it felt like Michael was gearing up for a fight. Max suddenly felt very old and very tired and he wondered, desperately, if they were ever going to fix their relationship, if it was ever going to go back to what it was before Rosa died and they became almost strangers. 

"Michael-"

"I know I shouldn't be here, okay?" He snapped at him.

"I didn't say that. And I wasn't going to." He closed his eyes and dragged a hand down his face. "I get why you need to be there, Michael." And he did. He remembered Liz telling him that she'd stayed at his house most of the time he'd been dead, not just because Rosa was there, but also because being in his house, sleeping in his bed, made her feel closer to him. Michael was silent on the other end. "I was just gonna tell you I'm coming over."

"I can come to you."

"No, I'm coming, okay? I'll be there in ten."

"Yeah, okay."  
...  
..  
.  
He called Liz on the way to Alex's place and informed her that Michael was there. She'd gotten quiet and Max had heard what sounded suspiciously like a sniffle. She'd dismissed his concern and told him she'd see him soon before she hung up.

When he got there, he found Michael sitting on a lawn chair, a beer in hand. Max smiled when he saw the second, unopened bottle that sat on the small table between the chairs.

"I don't know how he can drink this," man was the first thing Michael said to him, voice quiet and fond. 

Max grinned. "Didn't know you're a beer snob, Michael."

"I'm not! Which should tell you a lot about how awful this shit is."

"Then why are you drinking it?"

Michael just shrugged and looked away.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Michael set his beer down and held his head in his hands. "I miss him," he whispered and if Max hadn't been listening closely, he'd have missed it. 

"You'll get him back, Michael." *Hopefully soon*, he added silently, willing Liz to hurry up. He was eager to tell Michael, just to see the defeated look on his face disappear. 

Max watched him close his eyes and took the opportunity to assess his state. He looked like he'd actually managed to sleep and when Max voiced his thoughts out loud, Michael looked down at his hands. "Feels like the first time I slept in days."

Liz chose that moment to come running into the house. When she reached them, she took Michael's hand and dragged him inside. Max followed after them and couldn't keep a fond smile off his face as Michael looked back at him with a bemused look. 

"I think I found out who took Alex. And where they're keeping him."

Michael stared at her for a second, then blinked and in the next second, he had Liz in his arms. Max resisted the urge to laugh as Liz's feet were lifted above the ground. "Wha- How?!" He asked her as he kept his arms tight around her. 

Liz patted his shoulder and he finally put her back on the ground. She adjusted her blouse and beamed at Michael. "The files you brought. Alex was looking into this organization; Deep Sky."

Max froze as she met his eye. "Deep sky?"

Michael's eyes flitted between the two of them. "Anyone want to clue me in?"

"Jesse Manes knows, and is probably involved with Deep Sky. From what he told me, it's a paramilitary organization that's interested in a bioweapon that can be engineered to wipe out any number of people who share a certain genetic code. Alex found a compound in Los Almos, and it's not their headquarters, so I'm thinking that's where they do their unofficial, very illegal, business." 

Michael spluttered. "What the hell? And you think they have Alex?" 

Liz nodded. "And Charlie, most likely, since she's the brains behind it."

"Why take Alex?" 

Liz took a breath and shared a look with Max, before she looked back to Michael. "I think he was getting a bit too close. From his notes, I think he was hacking into their data base. There's a lot of info here about them that I don't think they would want to be in the wrong hands."

Michael swallowed in fear and Max heard his breath catch. "Maria said they were torturing him. I know Alex, he won't give them anything. So, what if they-"

Max stepped up and took his shoulders in his hands. He bent his head a little to catch Michael's eyes. "Don't think like that. A group like this, they won't just give up and cut their losses. If you're right, and Alex doesn't tell them anything, then they'll keep him alive long enough for him to talk-"

"-Or long enough for us to get him out," Michael finished for him.

Max grinned. "Exactly."

"Alright, then, let's go." 

Liz held his arm in an effort to stop him, but he shrugged her off. "Michael, wait-"

"Michael, stop!" Max exclaimed, stepping in his path, blocking the door in the process.

"We gotta go save him, Max."

Max braced his hands on his shoulders and shook him a little. "We will. I promise you, we will get him back, but not like this. We have to wait until we at least have a plan, Michael."

"I can't," he chocked out.

Max swallowed thickly. "Yes, you can."

"No," he snapped at him, "I can't. And you can't stop me."

"Michael-"

"What if it was Liz? Huh? Would you wait?"

Max scrubbed a hand down his face and watched his brother fall apart more and more by the second. There was only one time he's seen Michael this desperate, and it was when he'd pleaded with Max to let him get the answers he needed from Noah. And considering how that had ended, Max knew he needed to tread lightly. 

"If it were Liz, I would want to be there the minute I found out where she was." 

Michael nodded. "Exactly-"

"But- it would be reckless and it would only put the person I love in danger, Michael. Because going into a highly secure building, which is probably filled to the brim with trained military personnel, without a plan, would be monumentally stupid."

Michael hung his head, defeated. Max sighed and squeezed his shoulder in comfort. "I'm on your side here, Michael. We'll get everyone together tomorrow and by the end of day, we'll have gotten him out."

"A _day_?" Michael snarled, "alot can happen in a day and- I could lose him. I won't survive that, do you understand?" Max looked from Michael, who was crying freely now, clearly at the end of his rope, to Liz. 

He tried to put himself in Michael's shoes and the mere idea of Liz, alone and hurting in some unknown place, knocked the breath out of him. It hurt and it was only a thought. Michael had been going through the real thing for the past four days now and Max had to wonder how he was ven functioning at this point.

Michael raised two shaking hands and gripped his shirt in both fists. Max looked into his brother's eyes, saw the sheer desperation in them and felt its echo in his chest. He pulled him into his arms and tried to soothe him as best as he could, but he knew it was no use. 

"Please, Max, please, just let me go after him," Michael begged him.

Max felt panic crawl at his throat and tried desperately to hold Michael up. 

" _Please_." 

All it took to break the flimsy hold he had on his resolve was that broken plea from his brother, and he caved. "Okay, Michael. Okay. We're going to get him tonight, alright?"

He locked eyes with Liz and she seemed to understand immediately.

She nodded, tears running down her cheeks and lifted up her phone. "I'll call everyone. Tell them to meet us here."

At her words, Michael pulled away and smiled brilliantly, looking hopeful and painfully young.

" _Thank you_."

Max just nodded and could only hope that he wasn't making a mistake.  
...  
..  
.  
Their plan was flimsy at best, but at least they had one. There were six of them currently, eight if they took into account Alex and Charlie, so they needed to take two cars. Isobel, Kyle and Gregory were in one; Max, Michael, and Jenna were in the other. Michael had wanted to go alone, and though Max understood that Michael probably needed time to pull himself together, to prepare for what they might find when they got to Alex, he wanted to keep him close to be able to keep an eye on him.

When they were about five minutes away from the compound, they parked the cars and left Kyle and Isobel there. They had protested at first, but Max insisted they stay because Kyle had no training in combat situations and Isobel needed to be there to protect him, and to be their backup in case things went south. It didn't take long for them to begrudgingly agree to the plan and then they set off.  
..  
.

Things went according to plan for all of five minutes, and then went to shit in the blink of an eye. 

They'd gotten in without a hitch thanks to Michael's powers, and that was pretty much the extent of their good luck. Alarms were already blaring by the time they made it inside and they only managed to hide seconds before the area they were in was flooded with men in black gear waving their guns around.

Jenna and Gregory weren't with them because they'd separated to cover more ground and though Max hadn't liked the idea, he knew it made sense. Michael held a hand up, and Max saw the few cameras scattered around this floor shatter, then with a flicker of his hand he sent the men closest to them flying. Max was glad that at least he was being careful about not exposing them. And he had to admire his brother's control. 

They moved cautiously, and Max checked on the guards as they went. Most of them had been out the second they hit the walls, and the ones who weren't were thrown into the wall repeatedly until they were.

Michael ran for the stairs at the corner and he followed after him, covering his back and once they got to the landing, it was pure chaos, again. 

In the middle of it were two figures. Charlie, her hair tied back from her face messily, in tattered grey sweats and a bloodied shirt, was holding her own in a fight against two men. Alex was leaning against the wall, gun in hand, and he looked incredibly pissed off as he picked them off one by one. 

"Charlie, down!" He barked and she obeyed instantly. Max watched as one of them men attacking charlie dropped to the ground, a bullet right between his eyes. The other followed soon enough. 

"Alex!" 

Max watched as Alex's face cleared up of all traces of anger and was filled with wonder instead. "Michael?" 

Michael all but ran to him, while Max went to help Charlie up.

"Thanks," she told him shortly. Max nodded. 

"Jenna's here," he offered, and saw her eyes fill with tears as she nodded.

Her eyes drifted to the side and Max followed her gaze to Michael and Alex. His brother had Alex's face in his hands and whatever he said had Alex smiling at him, warm and incredibly fond. Michael then rested his forehead on Alex's and took a lungful of air; it honestly looked the first one he'd taken in days. 

He and Charlie walked closer and though he didn't want to break up the reunion, he knew they had to get out of there. 

She hissed and Max stopped her with a worried look. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright, it's just a scratch. It's Alex you need to worry about."

When he looked at Alex, held in Michael's arms, his eyes closed and face relaxed, he disagreed. Alex looked peaceful, like there was nowhere else he wanted to be and Max smiled, relieved it was nearly over.

They moved out of the area quickly and were about a dozen feet or so away from the door when it happened. Max and Charlie had moved ahead of Alex and Michael, anxious and eager to be out of this place. Suddenly, there was a shout, and when Max turned, he watched Alex drive his shoulder in Michael's chest, hold his gun up and fire off a shot. Max let out a breath of relief before he heard an agonized scream from Michael, and dread filled him once again.

Alex dropped to his knees, choking on a breath and Max saw Michael reach out to him just before he fell and lowered him to the ground gently. Charlie cursed and they both scrambled to their side. Michael's hands, trembling, pressed on the bleeding hole in Alex's abdomen and he winced at the gasp of pain that caused.

"You're gonna be okay, Alex. You're gonna be okay," Michael was repeating frantically, and he seemed about a minute away from another breakdown. 

"It's okay, Michael," Alex said calmly. Michael let out a disbelieving laugh. Max didn't blame him; they were going out of their minds with worry and Alex, the one who was shot, seemed to be the only calm one in the room.

Michael let out a ragged breath and lowered his chin to his chest.

"Hey, don't do that," Alex told Michael, voice airy and barely audible. 

"Do what?"

"This isn't on you."

Michael looked away and shook his head. "But it is. If I hadn't let you go, if I'd followed you-"

"Don't-" Alex gasped and Max looked away, unable to stand the look of agony on Michael's face as he cradled Alex gently.

"Can you heal him?" Max stilled, and he couldn't look his brother in the eye. "Max!"

Max was saved from answering by thr sound of pounding footsteps. He had his gun up in a second, steady and aimed directly at the direction the sound was coming from.

He lowered it and sighed in relief when it turned out to be Jenna and Gregory. Alex's brother stood stock still and stared at Alex with a blank stare that Max knew meant the man was in shock. "We need to get out of here," Jenna told them, voice thick and shaky as she ran to her sister and pulled her into her arms. 

"Alex?" Gregory whispered, collapsing against the wall. "No. God, no."

Jenna let go of Charlie and stepped up to Max. "We need to go. Ten minutes and the place will be swarming with dozens of armed men. We're not ready for it. We need to haul ass now."

"Okay. Okay, Michael, we need to move."

"-I'm so sorry, Alex," Michael was whispering. "I've wasted so much time."

Alex coughed. "Not- not on you."

"Michael," Max interrupted, trying and failing to keep his composure. Michael looked up at him with a look of such helplessness that punched a whole in his heart. "We need to get out of here, okay? We have to go."

"Max-" 

"Listen to me, we _have_ to go, Michael, okay? More people are coming and if we don't leave now, none of us will make it. He still has a chance, okay? I'll try to heal him, Kyle will help him, we'll do *something*, but we have to move now."

Michael nodded, seemingly on autopilot. "Alex, I'm gonna carry you, okay? It's gonna hurt," he warned him and at Alex's nod he lifted Alex with a tenderness he'd rarely shown with anyone outside of maybe Isobel. Alex let out a whimper and Michael apologized, his voice cracking. There was an agonized look on his face.

Alex's head rested on Michael's shoulder, and Max saw him clumsily move it closer until his face was buried in the crook of Michael's neck. He breathed in deeply and smiled."Missed you," he slurred, 

Michael's breath hitched and he tightened his arms around Alex, then started walking. "I missed you, too, Alex. Hold on, okay? You gotta hold on, baby."

"'m tryin'."

"Alex, stay awake."

"I'm sorry."

Michael shook his head and sped up. "You've got nothing to be sorry for, darlin'."

"Walked away. Pushed you away cause I was a coward. I- I was the one who wasted time." 

The finally got out the door and Michael turned to Max. "Tell me you can do something, Max."

Max had been expecting this question to come up again and he still didn't have an answer for him. The truth was, he was still weak. He's spent the past four days trying to build up his strength, trying to stretch his powers, but he'd made little progress, and now he had to face the fact that his failure could cost a man his life, could cause Michael to lose the love of his life. And that was a burden Max would never be able to carry. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"Max?"

"I don't-"

Michael shook his head. "You brought Rosa back from the dead, you can do this."

" _Michael_ -"

"Liz told me you were practicing," Michael was obviously trying very hard, *too* hard, to be optimistic, but it sounded fake and strained to Max and more than anything, it broke his heart.

He wondered whether he should feed into that false hope or rebuke it, and ended up choosing the latter. "I can try, but, Michael- I may not be strong enough to-"

"Don't say it. Please don't say it."

Max saw his grip on Alex tighten, saw him crying silently as he splayed his head on Alex's and walked faster, as if trying to outrun the real possibility that he might lose Alex tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, but I really needed to get it out because I want to finish this fic before episode 11 airs, so I hope it doesn't suck too much?? 
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.
> 
> 💛


	6. Kyle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope none of you are disappointed about the rescue, but I had to resist the temptation of writing a Michael rescues Alex because I wanted it to be realistic in this setting. He's facing, from what I understood from my research, some serious consequences for being AWOL and I thought if he showed up all healed up and okay, it would create more problems for him. 
> 
> I know basically no part of this story was accurate, so thank you to anyone who's still reading, lol
> 
> That said, Happy reading!

"We have to go."

Kyle frowned and straightened up from where he was leaning on the car. "What?"

"We have to go, _now_! Something's wrong," she said urgently, already stumbling towards the car.

Kyle didn't question her and entered the second car, his heart pounding. He did his best to follow after her and keep his focus on the road and not on imagining what state his friends would he in when they reached them. He was only marginally successful. 

Five minutes later, he hit the brakes, _hard_ , and barely managed not to rear-end Isobel's car. Kyle wrenched open the driver's door, grabbed his medical bag, and hit the ground running. When he reached them, he allowed himself a few seconds to freeze, to take the scene in, to just feel, and then he locked it all down. Alex was barely conscious, Michael looked scared as hell and the others seemed worried out of their minds, especially Gregory. 

Kyle hoverd, staring down at Alex with horror, but then he managed to snap out of it and kneeled down, taking Gregory's place.

_Deep breath in. Deep breath out._

He looked to Michael. "Keep him awake, and keep pressing on that wound. Do not let up," he ordered.   
" _Harder_ , Guerin," he snapped. He took Alex's wrist in his hand, and looked at Max. "Why haven't you healed him?"

Max looked guilty. "I-"

"Alex said no," Michael spat out, angry and terrified.

"Why- No, you know what? This isn't the time. Press _harder,_ Guerin."

" _It's hurting him!"_

"It's keeping him _alive_."

Michael reluctantly did as he told him, and he screwed his eyes shut when Alex let out a pained moan and tried to move away.

Jenna came closer. "Valenti, can you treat him in the car?"

Kyle, who was rummaging through his bag, looked at her incredulously. "Of course not!"

"Well, you'll have to manage, cause we're running out of time." 

"He could die if I don't do this right," Kyle argued, fear surging up in his chest at the mere thought.

"We could all die if we don't move, right _now_!"

Kyle cursed and then nodded reluctantly. "Guerin, how in control are you of your powers?" Kyle asked suddenly.

"I'm in control."

"Can you lift him up and keep him steady? I don't want you to jostle him around."

Michael nodded without hesitation. "I can do that."

And he did. 

Once Alex was safely on the backseat of his car, Max got behind the wheel and started the car. Kyle made sure the front passanger seat was pushed to the front as far as it would go, because he needed the space. Michael, on the other hand, was wedged in the space between the backseat and Max's, which really wasn't supposed to fit a grown man. He didn't seem to care about it, though, and he only had eyes for Alex. 

"Michael, keep him awake," he told him, and he resisted the urge to comfort him when he saw his eyes fill with tears.

"Alex? Hey, keep your eyes open, private," Michael said loudly, and Kyle was relieved when Alex's eyes opened just a fraction. Honestly, it was a miracle he was still awake. 

Alex smiled drowsily. "Not a private," he mumbled. 

Michael closed his eyes in relief and held Alex's hand. With the other, he was holding the flashlight up for Kyle, and though his hand hadn't wavered, Kyle knew he was getting tired, so he knew he had to hurry.

He tried not to pay attention to what Michael was saying, knowing the words weren't meant for his ears. The overwhelming love was hard to ignore, though.

The few minutes it took to pack the wound and wrap it with an occlusive bandage were possibly some of the worst in his life. He'd passed out midway through the process and though Kyle knew it was selfish, he was glad for it, because he was sure Alex's strangled screams would fuel his nightmares for weeks to come. From the sick look on Michael's face, his sentiment was clearly shared.

Kyle kept steady pressure, constantly checked Alex's vital and he silently pleaded with him to just hang on until they reached the hospital. Which reminded him-

"Why didn't you heal him?" His question was directed at Max, but Michael was the one who answered.

"He's not sure he could have. And when he did try, Alex said no." There was bitterness in his voice that he didn't even try to mask and Kyle wasn't surprised. 

The fact that Alex refused, though, that was a surprise. "Do you know why?"

"He wasn't in a talking mood, Valenti," snapped Michael. "He did say some bullshit about being AWOL and needin' to go to the hospital, but I wasn't exactly paying attention and he was in and out."

Despite his harsh words, Kyle noticed his grip on Alex's hand remained gentle. His thumb was still rubbing the back of his hand softly. It made him want to smile.

Michael strained a little and managed to drop a kiss at Alex's hand. 

"Wanna switch?" Kyle asked out of the blue. 

"Yeah," he said eagerly, but then seemed to catch himself. "No, no, what if he- No, you stay right there, doc."

"I've done all I can for him here," he told him gently. "We've got about five minutes before we get to the hospital, Michael. And he'll be in surgery for a long time, take this time to- just-"

"Don't say it."

Kyle nodded and when Michael took a breath and nodded, they switched places. The process was long and painful and extremely awkward, but they did it. 

The first thing Michael did was bring Alex's lax hand up to his lips and kiss it again. He then laid his head on their clasped hands and let out a breath

"There's so much I want to tell you, Alex. So goddamn much, so you can't leave me, you understand? I never said this because I'm an idiot, but you're my family, too. Don't leave me alone again. I'm- I survived every single time you left me before because deep down, I think I always knew you would come back, and so knowing you were out there, somewhere in the world, was enough. But this- death is permanent, Alex, there's no coming back from it and you know I can't follow, so it'd be damn cruel of you to force me to live in this world without you." His voice cracked and when Kyle chanced a look at him in the rearview mirror, Max had tears running down his face. "I can't live in this messed up world without you, sweetheart."

Kyle wondered how Michael was able to hold himself together right now, how he wasn't crying and screaming and raging at the world. Michael's love for Alex, in his tenderness, in his pain, in his anger, was overwhelming to witness. 

Kyle kept checking Alex's pulse; which was weak and thready but still there, and his breathing; erratic and a bit on the shallow side, at an almost obsessive rate, praying that he stayed stable long enough for them to get him to the hospital. He did, by some miracle, and Kyle flew out of the car ahead of them to get help when they reached their destination. 

He grabed the first two nurses and ER resident he can find and runs ahead. Max was waiting anxiously by the door, and Michael hadn't moved an inch, eyes closed and forehead leaned on his and Alex's joined hands.

Ten minutes later, once Alex was taken into surgery, Kyle found himself out in the parking lot again. He froze just outside the doors and watched as the day's events seemed to finally catch up with Michael. He was crouched, with his back against the car and his head hanging. Kyle could tell he was crying by the shaking of his shoulders. Max was beside him and he looked just as helpless as Kyle felt. 

Kyle turned and left, deciding that he'd seen Michael grieving more than the man ever wanted him to.

Kyle wasn't used to inaction, so he didn't know what to do with himself as he stood, whole body shaking, and looked around helplessly for something to do. But then he looked down at his hands, saw Alex's blood and felt his stomach roll. He practically ran to the bathroom and started scrubbing them furiously, until the redness was from the hot water and the harsh treatment, and not his friend's blood.

When he eventually forced himself to get out of the bathroom and into the waiting room, he found everybody there. Michael was flanked by both Isobel and Max, and he looked drained and numb. Gregory was sitting alone, in a corner, not doing much better. Jenna and Charlie were huddled together, speaking to Liz and Maria in hushed tones. 

Michael noticed him first, and he jumped up and stalked to him. "Did you hear anything?" 

Kyle shook his head and tried not to feel guilty when Michael's shoulders slumped. 

"You have to be patient. It's gonna be a few hours before we hear anything."

The other man pursed his lips and moved away, hands buried in his hair. The numbness was apparently gone, now replaced by restlessness. Michael was like a caged animal, and Kyle knew, the next few hours may very well be the longest of his life. 

Gregory's phone rang, and he took it out of his pocket with shaking fingers. "Yeah?"

He scrubbed a hand down his face. "Alright, I'll be there in a few. Thanks, T."

He got up from his crouch and hesitated before he walked over to them. "I gotta go. Something came up and I- can you please keep me updated?" He got a few scattered nods, but from the looks of it, everyone was wondering what was more important than being there when his brother got out of surgery. 

Everyone except Michael, that is.

He saw him reach out a hand to stop Gregory from leaving. "Aiyana's okay, right?"

Gregory softened and smiled gratefully. "Yeah, man, she's fine. I just need to go get her."

Kyle wondered who Aiyana was, and how Michael knew about her when no one else seemed to. 

Gregory looked at each of them. "Thank you all for this. And for looking after him all the times when I couldn't."

Kyle could see everyone in the room looked uncomfortable with the praise, as he himself did, probably because Gregory seemed to overestimate their involvement in Alex's life. Truth was, Isobel and Max barely knew Alex; Liz probably hadn't had a decent conversation with him in months; Maria was probably even worse off since she was now with Michael, who Kyle knew Alex still had feelings for and Michael- Michael was just complicated.

They all loved him, but they hadn't shown it properly in months. So, no one said anything in response, though he did see some awkward smiles, and some pained ones. 

Time went by slowly, and with its passing, more and more of them left the waiting room; Maria went to see her mother, liz and Max went to get coffee and snacks for everyone, Jenna dragged Charlue to get her checked out and Isobel was practically glued to Michael's side, though she appeared to be sleeping.

He rested his head back on the wall and closed his eyes, hoping for sleep. He knew it was pointless because of how wired up he was, but he thought he might as well try anyway.

"Iz."

Kyle cracked one eye open and watched Michael try to wake Isobel up. Kyle had trouble pinpointing exactly what the expression on his face was, but he looked like a ticking time bomb.

Kyle cleared his throat and hoped the other man wouldn't bite his head off. "You okay?"

Michael snorted. "Oh, I'm just peachy, thank you. And how are you?"

Kyle rolled his eyes and raised his hands, giving up too easy. He'd tried. 

Kyle gave up on trying to sleep when an hour passed and his method of fake it till you make it didn't work. 

His mother called him, most likely having just checked her messages, and Kyle had the sudden realization that not one person of Alex's family was here. He wondered if they'd been notified. 

Curiosity got the best of him and he went over to the nurses' station. Connie was the only one there and he sighed in relief. He would never admit it because the other nurses would probably kill him, but she was his favorite on this floor. "Hey, Connie."

"Hey, Dr. Valenti." 

Kyle rolled his eyes at her lack of use of his first name, despite how many times he'd urged her to, but didn't voice his thoughts. 

"Uh oh, I know that look. What do you want?"

He grinned. "Alex Manes. He was brought in about two hours ago, I think. Was Jesse Manes, or Mindy Manes, notified?"

"Let me check- says here Jesse Manes was notified, yeah. We tried to reach a- Michael Guerin, too, since he was listed as Next of Kin, but we didn't have any luck." She shook her head sadly and Kyle was torn between shock at the fact that Michael was put down as next of kin, anger at Jesse for not showing up for his son and sadness for Alex, who was going to wake up and probably not have a single person of his family there.

He went back to the waiting room in a state of shock and sat down heavily in the chair next to Michael. Kyle wondered if he knew, and he wondered if it was his place to tell him, if he didn't. 

"Did they tell you anything?" Michael whispered, desperate.

"Nothing." Michael let out a frustrated breath. "You're his Next of Kin," Kyle blurted out and he sat still as Michael seemed to freeze. "You're not the only one, of course, but you're put down in his file right after Jesse."

"I'm-?" His face went from confused to devastated in one heartbeat and Kyle watched his face crumble, before he turned and buried his face in Isobel's hair. Kyle patted his shoulder, and Isobel, as if sensing he needed her, woke up and was hugging him in an instant. She shared a confused look with Kyle and he just shook his head. He left them alone for a little while, but couldn't help but overhear parts of their conversation.

"Michael, what's going on?"

"That bastard," he cried harder.

"What? Who?"

And he hurried down the hall, giving them privacy what little privacy he could manage.   
...  
..  
.

It was six hours before they heard anything about Alex, and by then, Michael, Liz, Max and Isobel were the only ones with him in the waiting room.

Gregory came back about two minutes before the doctor did, and to his surprise, he had a little girl, who couldn't be more than one year old, with him.

"Family of Alex Manes?"

They all sprang up and crowded the doctor, someone Kyle wasn't all that familiar with, and he looked at them skeptically. "You're all family?"

"Yeah," Liz said, narrowing her eyes at him in a manner that Kyle knew meant a fight would break out if they didn't do something about it. Max, apparently, did too, because he pulled her back and wrapped his arms around her. She deflated just as Gregory stepped forward. 

"I'm his brother, Gregory Manes."

Kyle pushed a strangely silent Michael forward. "This is his next of Kin."

Michael glared at him and the doctor relaxed a bit as he addressed both men, mainly, but he spared everyone else a glance. 

"My name is Dr. Bailey, I headed the surgery on Captain Manes. Your brother," he addressed Gregoy, then looked at all of them, "your friend, was incredibly lucky to have had Dr. Valenti before he got here. I'm not sure we'd be having this conversation if it weren't for you," the doctor said, nodding at Kyle. He felt a surge of pride at the words, and then a surge of fear as he imagined what could have happened if he hadn't been there, or if he'd messed up somehow. "The bullet caused extensive damage to his internal organs, we had to perform a splenectomy and repair his small intestine. We'll need to keep him under observation for a few days, but we're cautiously optimistic about his condition. He's being set up in his own room as we speak. A nurse will inform you when you can go in. Two visitors at a time, please," he told them with a wry smile, probably aware it was a lost cause with this lot.

The doctor turned to leave but stopped. "I've informed his commanding officer of his condition and I was told to inform Captain Manes to expect a visit as soon as he woke up, so be advised." 

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Gregory shook his hand firmly, relief pouring out of him in waves. The little girl didn't even stir in his arms. 

Michael sat down heavily on a chair and held his head in his hands. "Thank god," he chocked out. 

Max clasped Michael's shoulder, grinning at him and Isobel went to his other side and drew him in a tight hug. 

Kyle suddenly found himself with an armful of Liz Ortecho. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! You are a badass, Kyle Valenti," he laughed as she held his face, squished his it in her hands, then smacked a kiss on his cheek. She bounded over to Michael and nearly elbowed Isobel in the face in her haste to get to him. He watched her haul him up and into her arms, watched Michael bury his face and nod repeatedly at whatever she was saying to him, and breathed a sigh of relief. This nightmare was finally over. 

"You get to meet your uncle Alex in a few minutes, baby girl," Gregory was saying quietly, voice wavering slightly with emotions. "Are you excited?" The little girl just giggled and grabbed her father's face and his smile widened. "You're gonna love him."

Connie walked in and smiled at everyone. "You ready to see him?" At everyone's nod, she laughed softly. "Alright. If you're all real quiet, I'll allow everyone to go in at once, okay? But only for a few minutes," she warned. 

If they ignored the bruises and the IV lines, Alex would look like he was sleeping. Kyle took a look around the room and could see everyone's shock and concern written plainly on their faces. Michael was hanging back while everyone else were slowly moving closer. Kyle took it upon himself to check the doctors' work, not because he didn't trust them, but because he needed that peace of mind. Liz moved cautiously closer and then gently took his hand in hers. "Wake up soon, okay? I need you awake when I yell at you for scaring me." She kissed his cheek. "I love you."

Gregory dragged a chair close to the bed, his daughter in his lap. "See, honey, that's uncle Alex. Can you say Alex?" She just babbled, and was a hair away from pulling at the IV line, but Gregory deftly intercepted her and held her hand in his. "Nope, we don't touch that." He held Alex's hand and shook it gently. "Wake up so you can meet your niece, will you? She needs at least one decent uncle in her life, Alex."

Kyle saw him swallow harshly, trying to keep his emotions in check, and his hatred for Jesse Manes grew. He'd raised his sons to be perfect soldiers first, and humans second, and it showed right now more than ever. Gregory clearly loved his little brother, but he was wasn't saying it, was obviously holding back. Hell, Kyle hadn't even seen him cry once. It made him sad, if he was honest with himself.

Isobel and Max just hung around in the doorway awkwardly before she stepped closer to the bed. She merely patted the back of his hand. "Thank you for not giving up, for staying alive," she said quietly. 

"We're gonna head home," Max said, arm around a tired looking Liz. Isobel nodded in agreement and so did Kyle. 

"Can you give me a ride home?" He asked him.

"Sure. We'll wait by the car." 

The three of them hugged Michael before they left, and Kyle marveled at the fact that none of them had even considered the fact that he might want to go home. 

Kyle looked back at his friend, and he realized just then how much he wanted to say to him. How much he valued him; as a person and as a friend. How sorry he was for every time he'd hurt him, for every time he'd ignored his pain. He closed his eyes to stop the tears from leaking and then settled his hand on Alex's shoulder, rubbing gently. "You and I are going to talk. I owe you a beer and about a dozen apologies. And thank you, for staying alive. I know it wasn't for me," he added wryly, "but thank you anyway."

Kyle patted Michael's shoulder as the other man passed him to get to Alex, and when he turned back before he left the room, he saw Michael bend down and press a kiss to Alex's hair.

Gregory was smiling and Kyle realized he was, too. 

"So I guess it's Alex, then?" Gregory said, obviously teasing, and Kyle heard Michael let out a huff of laughter. 

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for sticking with this story! I love you all so much 💛
> 
> Let me know what you think?? 
> 
> One more chapter to go!!
> 
> SPOILERS FOR 2X11  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> I am so fucking glad Gregory is a good guy! And he's a TEACHER! I hope he doesn't just disappear after this and we see more of him.


	7. Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last one! Oh man, this was so fun for me to write, a little nerve wracking at some points, but still fun. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who read my story, everyone who gave kudos and everyone who took the time to comment. You guys rock.
> 
> Happy reading!

Alex woke up gradually, and the first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes was the white walls of the room he was in. He was on a comfortable bed instead of the sheet-thin cots he'd been sleeping on for the past few days, and there was no pain, which threw him for a loop. 

His eyes caught movement from the side, and he stiffened, made sure to lie very still, and waited.

"Alex!" He relaxed, but only marginally, when he recognized his brother's voice. He turned his head and watched as Gregory clenched his jaw, probably in an effort to keep from crying. 

"Hey, little brother," Gregory said, voice chocked up a bit. 

He lifted his hand with some difficulty and removed the oxygen mask. "What are y-" he cleared his throat and winced, then tried again. "Why are you here?" 

Gregory frowned and Alex watched him get up to pour him a glass of water. He nodded gratefully when he gave it to him and closed his eyes in relief as the water soothed his sore throat. He opened his eyes and watched his brother silently, waiting for an answer. "Because you almost died?" Gregory frowned. "I was with the others when we got you out. I'm glad you're okay, kid."

Alex frowned. "Not a kid."

Gregory grinned, but soon grew nervous. "There's-" Alex watched him look down for a few seconds then Gregory took a deep breath and bent to the side. Alex frowned and watched him silently. "Speaking of kids," he rushed to say, "there's one I'd like you to meet." When he straightened up, there was a little girl in his arms. "Alex, meet your niece," he told him softly, a small, anxious smile on his face as he waited for Alex's reaction.

Alex, the breath knocked out of him, could do nothing but stare at the little girl in his brother's arms. Big brown eyes, skin a shade or two darker than Alex's and a smile that showed off her two bottom teeth. She was adorable, and she was his niece. How had he missed that? And why had his brother not mentioned a daughter before?

It only took a second for the shock to wear off and then be replaced by hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Greg shook his head. "I've only had her for three months, Alex, and- I don't know."

Alex froze. "Did you- did you not want me to meet her?" He asked hesitantly, devastated.

Gregory shook his head adamantly. " _No_! No, of course I wanted you to meet her, Alex. You're the only one of our miserable family I actually want her to know."

Alex sniffled and rolled his eyes at himself when he felt a couple of tears slide out of his eyes. "Well, can I hold her?"

Greg hesitated. "I don't know, man, I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I'll be fine," he waved off his concern. "Just help me up."

It took a few minutes to get him sitting up, mainly because every time he moved a muscle, his whole body hurt. But he did it. And then, his niece was in his arms and he laughed as she immediately grabbed for his nose. He held her small wrist in his hand and gently removed her hand, and did his best not to wince as her nails dug into the soft skin. "You haven't told me her name."

Gregory laughed. "Aiyana."

"Hey, Aiyana," Alex began softly. The little girl babbled happily and he swung her hand a little, and he was delighted when it made her laugh. "I'm your uncle Alex." When he was able to tear his eyes away from her, he looked up at his brother. "She's beautiful."

Gregory smiled wryly. "Takes after her mom. Though, according to Michael, she's got your nose."

Alex looked up so fast his neck actually hurt. "Michael?"

"Yup," his brother said, his hands outstretched to take Aiyana when she started to get a bit fussy. Alex handed her over automatically and stared at his brother, wanting an explanation. 

"He sort of lost it when he found out you were gone," Gregory began, and from the shit-eating grin on his face, Alex knew whatever was going to come out of his brother's mouth was going to be embarrassing. "He threw dad into a wall, bashed his head in, more than once." At the mention of their father, his previous thoughts came back in full force. Gregory didn't notice the change. "He hit me over the head with _dad's cane_ , Alex, because he thought me and dad were involved in your kidnapping."

Alex swallowed and looked away. His head was filled with so many questions and he could feel a headache coming on. "I don't- why were you with dad?" He asked him anxiously. 

The smile fell off his brother's face, and he looked so hurt that Alex instantly felt guilty for what he was insinuating. "Greg-"

"He threatened Aiyana," Greg told him, bitter and angry. "He didn't do it outright, you know him, but the fact that he even brought her up was a red flag, you know? I thought, if it's just a meeting with him, what's the harm? I didn't get much out of him before Michael showed up, and after- dad just disappeared. I had to tell Michael about Aiyana because I was pretty sure when he put a gun to my back, it wasn't just for show."

Alex's breath hitched in his chest and he did his best not to lose it just then. "Michael did _what_?"

"Like I said, he was pretty desperate to find you, Alex."

"You just let him go?"

Greg seemed confused. 

"Dad, Greg; you just let him go?"

"Michael was pretty convinced he had nothing to do with you being gone. Said he was looking for you, too. Considering the fact that before he got the shit beaten out of him, dad asked me to help him find you, I agreed- why are you looking at me like that?

Alex rubbed a hand down his face and laughed bitterly. "Dad was the one who took me at first. He hit me over the head and-"

"Hang on- _Dad kidnapped you_?! And what do you mean, at first?"

"Flint showed up a day, maybe two days, later. Put a gun to my head and kidnapped me. Damn, I was kidnapped twice in four days, you think that's a record?"

Gregory's mouth hung open, and Alex would have laughed at how ridiculous he looked if he wasn't so close to losing the tight hold he had on his emotions. " _Flint_?"

"Yeah." Alex understood why Gregory was blindsided. Flint hadn't been the best brother growing up, but he'd never outright hurt him, had even helped Alex sometimes. What Flint had done had hurt more than anything else, mostly because when he'd been sure his father hated him, he'd always taken comfort in the thought that at least his brothers loved him. Now, he didn't even have that.

"God," Gregory chocked out. "Oh my god, that son of a-" Anger radiated out of his older brother and Alex allowed himself to feel vindicated before he did his best to calm him down. Before he could attempt to, though, Aiyana made a distressed sound and when Gregory looked down at her, all the anger left him in a rush. " _God_ , we really have the worst family in all of existence, don't we?"

Alex laughed. "Yeah. Hey, Greg?"

"Yeah?"

Alex cleared his throat, uncomfortable. "Hey, is anyone else here?" 

Greg softened. "Everyone stayed until the doctor told us that you were okay. But since visiting hours were over, they had to leave."

Alex tried to hide his disappointment, but he wasn't sure how successful he was. He didn't know why, but it hurt that Michael had just left with everyone.

"Michael stayed, though."

Alex's head shot up. "He did?"

"I only managed to bully him into leaving about an hour ago."

Alex smiled, but didn't say anything. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Greg broke it. "So, uh, I hear aliens are a thing now? 

Alex jolted, and when he looked at him, Gregory was shaking his head. "God, it feels so fu-" he looked down at his daughter and cleared his throat, "-weird to say it." He was freaked out but trying not to show it, and for some reason, it made Alex laugh, and that seemed to set Greg off, too. Though It physically hurt to do it, it also felt really good to laugh with his brother. 

"How'd you find out?" 

"Michael told me."

Alex felt his jaw drop open. "Why would he do that?"

"He thought he'd have to use his powers at some point int the rescue and, I quote, he didn't want to break me when we're in a life or death situation. Plus, I had a beaker almost break in my face. In the _secret lab_ you set up for them." Alex winced at the disapproving tone. "I don't think I have to tell you how stupid, how _dangerous_ , that was for you to do." 

"I know. But I had to do it."

"For him." Alex didn't say a thing. "You still love him, huh?"

Alex was too tired to be anything but honest. "Yeah, I do. Whis is why I need you to promise me that you'll keep his- _their_ secret safe, Greg."

He held up a hand to silence him. "I've already had this conversation with the three of them. I won't say anything, Alex." 

He relaxed back into the bed. "Did Isobel threaten to melt your brain?"

Greg shuddered. "Yeah, she did. Man, that woman is scary. Oh, and just a heads up, I texted-"

Just then, they heard running footsteps and seconds later, Michael came crashing through the door. 

"I-" Michael bent down, hands on his knees and taking deep gulping breaths. Alex smiled, fondness bursting in his chest for him. "I got here as soon as I got your text- he-" When he looked up, and their eyes finally met, his whole being softened and he strode closer. "You're _awake_ ," he choked out, closing the distance between the door and the bed in two quick strides. He hesitated only a little before he sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned down to hug him, Alex presumed, but then seemed to change his mind and leaned back, his hands fisted in his lap. The way his eyes swept over Alex, hungry and eager, sent shivers down his spine. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't here." Michael tried to smile, but it was shaky and a frown soon took its place. Alex longed to lift his hand up and touch that spot between his brows, just to see the lines there disappear. "God, Alex, you're okay. 

"It's okay. You're here now. I'm okay," Alex smiled, and Michael closed his eyes in relief before he bowed his head, his shoulders shaking slightly. 

Alex, with no small amount of difficulty, lifted his hand and rested it on Michael's head, gently pushing down until it rested against his chest.

Movement from his periphery caught his eye, and he saw his brother stand and point behind him, a carrier Aiyana was dosing off in held in one hand. Alex nodded with a small smile, and rolled his eyes when his brother pointed at Michael and then gave him a thumbs up.

Alex hesitated only briefly before he soothingly ran his hand through Michael's curls. He didn't say a thing when he felt a slight dampness on his chest. He let Michael cry for a long time, and he did his best to keep himself from doing the same. "I'm here," he assured him. "I'm right here."

When Michael slowly lifted his head up, both hands came up to wipe the tears away. Alex wanted to do it for him, but he knew Michael needed some time to pull himself together. 

"But you almost weren't, and that scared the shit out of me, Alex. I never-"

Alex took a breath and tried to find the right way to navigate this conversation, because he was almost certain it was headed into dangerous territory. 

"I can't live in a world that you don't exist in, Alex. I can't do it, and I don't think I'll ever want to." Michael leaned back in, and Alex fought against the urge to close the distance between them. His heart pounded in his ears, and it was so loud he could barely hear what Michael was saying.

"There are so many things I want to say to you, things that I've kept in for so long and I-"

"Guerin-"

"I was an idiot, because I thought loving you was the worst thing that happened to me."

Alex closed his eyes in an effort to keep the tears at bay. "Michael, please, just stop. We can't-"

"Look at me," he pleaded with him.

Alex didn't. He heard a huff before calloused fingers were turning his head towards Michael, and their eyes locked. The look in Michael's eyes was one he'd not seen in a very long time. It was full of hope, unguarded affection and, to his surprise, there was a softness in his gaze that Alex had only ever assosiated with Michael's love for him. He didn't know if he was imagining it because he was so desperate to see it, but the way he was looking at him now was the same as it was when they were seventeen and stupidly in love. Hope blossomed in his chest and he ruthlessly pushed it down; he didn't think he had it in him to lose Michael yet again, even if he never really had him in the first place.

Michael took his hand in both of his, and Alex hoped he didn't notice how much he was shaking. "Loving you wasn't the worst thing to happen to me, it was the best choice I ever made." He looked down at their joined hands and shook his head with a self-deprecating laugh. "For a long time, I thought love destroyed me, that it wasn't something I had control over but- I realized that that's not true, at least, not completely." Michael drew in a breath and smiled softly. "You see, I didn't choose to fall in love with you when I was seventeen, but I chose to keep loving you every minute after that. I could've chosen to move on, I could've stopped waiting for you to come back to me, I could've pushed you away so many times and you would've let me. But I never did any of that, because I knew loving you made me better. It was the one thing I did right." 

Alex let out a sob and looked up at the ceiling, knowing that if he looked at him right now, he might not be able to stop himself from pulling Michael down to kiss him. Michael scooted closer and delicately wiped his tears away with both hands.

Alex shook his head and tried to dislodge Michael's gentle grip on his face. He held firm though, and when Alex grew tired of fighting him, he met Michael's tender look with a desperate one. "Why are you doing this to me? It's not fucking fair, Michael."

"What?"

"You have a girlfriend," he reminded him bitterly, miserably.

"I don't," Michael informed him, tone mild.

Alex pinned him with an unimpressed glare. "What?"

"Maria and I broke up."

"How _long_ was I gone, exactly?"

Michael snorted. "Just the four days. Sure felt longer, though."

Alex searched his face. "Why?"

"Why what?"

Alex glared at him, and tried desperately to keep his temper in check. "Stupid isn't a good look on you, Guerin; you _know_ what."

Michael hesitated. "Maria and I broke up because I- I went a little crazy when you were gone."

"So I've been told. And you broke up because of that, why?"

"Because I was selfish with her. Because I asked her to take off the bracelet that I made to protect her so that she could help us find you, knowing full well what it could do to her. Because," he took a deep breath, "when the first time she tried didn't give us much, I asked her to do it again."

Alex narrowed his eyes. "Maria would've already tried, with or without you asking," he said with absolute certainty. "I don't understand why you asking her to do it would be a problem," he admitted, frustrated.

"She was bleeding when I asked her to do it."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "That was a dick move."

Michael shrugged. "It _was_. But at the time, there was nothing more important than finding you and Maria knew that. And she- she knows how much I- how important you are to me. I think she always knew."

Alex flinched, though he hid it well. Luckily, Michael didn't seem to notice.

"Alex, when you were gone, it was like the whole world stopped turning. I couldn't function. Hell, I couldn't _breathe_." He shook his head and looked away, avoiding his eyes. "You'd think I'd be used to it; missing you, not knowing how you were, or even if you were alive, but it turns out I'm not. I don't think I ever will be." He laughed through his tears and looked down at Alex with a sad look on his face. "Here's another thing I realized; you're my true north. You're the one thing I've ever been sure of and lately, you've been the person I can always count on to show up when I call. I didn't appreciate that when I should have. I didn't appreciate _you_. And the things I said in the bunker before you-"

"Were all true," Alex finished for him, bitter and angry.

"No." Michael gripped his face with gentle hands and looked him in the eye. "I was wrong. It's not stupid, Alex, it's brave. _You're_ brave, for still having faith in people, even after everything you've been through. I'm sorry if I made you doubt that, even for a second."

Alex wanted to ask him where this was going. He wanted to get off the bed and run away. He wanted to hold onto Michael and never let go. 

He did none of that; just stayed still and hardly breathed.

Michael seemed to deflate little when there was no response from him, but he kept going. "I- there's so much we need to talk about, Alex; so much that we need to work through, I know that, but we're both tired, and there's only one thing left for me to say to you. Are you listening?"

Alex nodded dumbly, speechless. 

Michael smiled, brilliant and sharp. His gaze, open and hungry and wanting, locked onto Alex and he felt a shiver run down his spine. "I love you. I'm so in love with you, Alex Manes, that I can hardly breathe sometimes and I'm grateful that you still let me be a part of your life even after all the shit I pulled."

"I was just returning the favor," Alex managed to say and it was a miracle that he got that far without breaking down. This was overwhelming in a way Alex wasn't used to. There was so much to unpack from what was said, so much to think about. Michael had gone from zero to hundred in the span of four, maybe five, days and it was an adjustment, to say the least. 

_I love you._

The words echoed in his head, each time louder than the last. Alex wanted to say it back, because he wanted Michael to know that there wasn't a moment in the last decade where his love for him wavered, but he was terrified. And he wasn't entirely sure this was real. He'd been secretly longing for this to happen ever since Michael had chosen Maria. He would never admit to it, but he'd sometimes lay awake at night and fantasize about Michael showing up at his door and telling him that he wanted him, and only him. Those daydreams had made him feel incredibly guilty at times, but they had also been a thing to hold onto when nothing seemed to work right.

To have them come true now was jarring, and Alex couldn't help but dread what would come after. Things with Michael had never been easy, but now that Maria was involved, it made things infinitely more complicated. 

"I _love_ you," Michael repeated, urgent and desperate, when Alex failed to say anything. "I just need you to tell me that you believe me when I say that. Please, Alex, say you believe me."

Alex's eyes filled with tears, yet again, and he could do nothing but nod. 

Michael took a breath and got up. "I guess I'll just-" he said awkwardly, pointing at the door. Alex's heart stopped and a sudden spike of fear shot through his chest at the thought of Michael leaving, at the thought of this being yet another missed opportunity.

"Stay," he blurted out. At Michael's wide-eyed look, he felt himself blush, but continued on. "It's- I don't want you to go, Michael," he confessed, and when saw the start of a blinding, giddy smile on Michael's face, when he saw the sheer relief that poured out of him, he knew he'd made the right call.

Michael moved to sit on the chair beside his bed, but Alex didn't let him. He snatched his hand once he got close enough and then pointedly, and carefully, moved to the side. 

"Alex, don't-" Michael tried to stop him, probably because he noticed the pain Alex tried to keep from showing, and Aelx ignored him. 

"Come here," he told him, tugging on the hand tangled in his. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Michael hesitated briefly, then sat on the edge of the bed. Alex tugged at his hand again and finally, he was close enough. He was careful not to move too much, to keep the hand that had the canula attached to the iv in it steady, but he was also eager to just hold him. 

It took a lot of maneuvering, but they finally found a position that was comfortable for the both of them- Alex on his side, with Michael's head buried in his chest, one knee wedged in between Alex's and his arm loosely thrown over Alex's waist. Alex felt his warmth seep into him and he shivered, instinctively moving closer. Michael ran his hand soothingly down his arm, and then down his back, and pressed a feather-light kiss to Alex's chest.

Alex's flimsy restraint didn't hold up against that small action. He held Michael's chin in his hand and lifted his head up. Michael looked at him with a question in his eyes, and Alex answered him wordlessly by pulling him up until his lips hovered inches above Michael's.

They took a second to just be close, to breathe each other in and when Alex dropped his forehead against Michael's, he took a breath and brushed his lips over Michael's, so light and brief he wasn't sure if it even qualified as a kiss.

"Are you sure about this?" Michael asked him. 

With all the confidence he could muster, Alex nodded. "I am. Are _you_?"

"I've always been sure about you, darlin'"

Alex didn't call him out on his lie, decided there would be plenty of time for that later. Instead, he grinned and used his grip on Michael's neck to pull him back in.

Michael touched a hand to his chest, then slowly travelled up, leaving him warm all over. One hand settled on Alex's neck and the other was on his waist. Alex moved closer, and he gasped as the movement caused a sharp, painful stab of pain. Michael sprang away from him in panic, hands fluttering around worriedly. " _Alex_? Are you okay? Hey, should I get-"

"I'm fine," Alex let slip through gritted teeth as he tried to breathe through the pain. "Let's just maybe hold off on making out, though?"

Michael giggled, and Alex had to smile at that. "Yeah, okay." He leaned down to kiss his cheek and lingered there. "I really do love you," he whispered against his cheek.

In that moment, Alex chose to be brave. And he chose to be honest. "I love you, too."  
....  
...  
..  
.

Fifteen minutes or so later, Michael was asleep, and Alex marveled at how the simple fact that he had him in his arms had him bursting with happiness. 

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts, and he had to tear his eyes away from Michael's sleeping face. 

Kyle poked his head in, and a smile broke out on his face once he saw Alex was awake. Alex smiled back and gestured for him to come in. Only when Kyle's eyebrows rose and he pointedly looked down at Michael did Alex realize that it didn't bother him that someone had seen him, them, like this. It was such a small thing, but it still made him proud, and it gave him hope that he could do better by Michael.

He stared him down. "Not a word."

Kyle held up his hands in mock surrender, a somewhat smug smile on his face. He grabbed Alex's chart and started looking through it. 

"Tell me, doctor, am I gonna live?" He asked dryly.

Kyle glared at him, then shook his head. "How are you?" Kyle asked, suddenly serious. 

"I'm fine."

Kyle raised his eyebrows. 

"I'm alive, I'm not bleeding and I'm not in pain. That counts as fine, Kyle."

Michael stirred and then shot up, looking around wildly. 

Alex caught him just before he toppled off the bed and gripped his forearm tightly. "Michael? Hey, look at me." Wide eyes met his and Alex smiled. "We're in the hospital, and everythig's okay. Take a breath."

Michael did and Alex breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Michael's shoulders droop. "Kyle's here," he informed him gently when he saw him open his mouth to speak. His jaw clicked shut and he turned to the doctor. To Alex's surprise, he greeted him with a nod and no snarky comments. 

Alex cleared his dry throat. "Are you two okay?"

Michael and Kyle exchanged a look. "Yeah?" Kyle said, looking confused. 

"It's just that you spent five seconds in each other's presence and have managed to actually be civil." 

Kyle shook his head and Michael chuckled. "Hey, give it time. Valenti will get on my nerves in no time."

"Oh, shut up, Guerin-"

Alex's laugh quickly turned into a coughing fit, cutting him off. Michael scrambled up and helped Alex sit up, hands rubbing soothing circles on his back. By the time it died down, his whole abdomen felt like it was on fire and he was gasping for breath. 

"Easy, easy," Michael soothed, though Alex could tell he was worried. "Come on, lie back."

Alex wanted to protest but couldn't. Thankfully, the bed wasn't reclined all the way back, and with both Michael and the pillows behind him, he would still be in a semi-sitting position.

Kyle held out a glass of water and Alex gave him a grateful look. "Small sips, Alex," he advised.

Alex did as he was told, only realizing how dry his throat was when he took the first sip, and leaned back into Michael's warmth. Not a second later, Michael's phone pinged with what Alex assumed was a text. Michael gently slid away from behind him and when he gave him a questioning look, Michael just waved him off. He pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead, and his eyes fluttered closed and he smiled helplessly. 

Kyle scooted his chair closer. "So, are you two-?"

"Dr. Valenti?" A nurse knocked on the open door, interrupting him, and Alex let out a breath of relief, which was mirrored by Michael. The nurse had an exacerbated smile on her face. "Sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Manes' family are- well, they're very anxious to see him."

Kyle laughed and Alex frowned at him. "That means they're causing a scene," Kyle informed him. He looked back to the nurse and nodded. "Send them in, Nic."

Alex was suddeny filled with dread. "What's my dad doing here? Wait, she said they, is _Flint_ here, too? Did Greg not tell you what happened?" His heart in his throat, Alex shook his head. "Don't let them in, Kyle. Michael, they can't-" He wanted to sound strong, but his words sounded weak and shaky to his own ears. 

Michael put a hand on his and it only managed to calm his hammering heart a little bit. "Your dad isn't here. Flint isn't either, I promise." Michael seemed confused even as he said the reassuring words, and so did Kyle. It only occurred to Alex right then that they couldn't have known. Greg might not have had the time to tell them yet. "Alex, they're not here, you need to calm down."

"Then who-"

"Alex!" Liz came in, followed by Maria, then Isobel and Max.

Michael moved away even more, now sitting on the very edge of the bed, then turned to him. He looked guilty, and Alex understood immediately. "You're okay with this, right? I just-"

Alex nodded. "I get it. You talked to Maria, right?" When he recieved a nod, Alex continued, "I'll talk to her, too; check in, but for now-"

"Mikey, move," Liz said, all but shoving Michael off the bed, effectively breaking into their little bubble. 

" _Ow_ , Liz, what the hell?" Michael exclaimed as he swatted at her hands with a glare. She ignored him and sat firmly in his place.

Alex laughed, and at Michael's betrayed look, he only laughed harder.

Liz laid her head on his shoulder and carefully wrapped her arms around him. He lifted up both his hands and lightly squeezed her forearm, then kept his hands there. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said tearfully. "But don't ever do that again, do you hear me?" She scolded him, pulling back and glaring at him, though it really wasn't effective considering her eyes were filled with tears and she was sniffling pathetically. 

Alex pulled back and stared at her incredulously. "What, you want me to not get shot? But it's so _fun_ , Liz!" 

She laughed through her tears and lightly swatted at his arm.

"Alright, Liz, quit hogging him," Maria told her, walking into Alex's line of vision. Liz grumbled but let him go, but not before smacking a kiss on his cheek. She then bounded over to Max's side, leaving him and Maria alone. Maria didn't hug him, but she did cup his cheek tenderly after she took a seat in the vacated chair. "You really scared us, you know. Especially that one," she said, tilting her head in the direction of Michael. Alex's eyes darted over to him, and his whole body relaxed when he saw him talking, though arguing would be a better word, with Liz and Kyle. He looked back at Maria, and when he saw the tears in her eyes, guilt caused his chest to tighten. "Maria-"

"I'm sorry."

Alex frowned. "What? No! You have nothin-"

"Stop." He did. Alex watched her take a deep breath and look away from him. "This isn't the time to have this conversation, but I- I'm sorry that I lost sight of how important you are to me. I'm sorry I put my relationship with Michael ahead of you. You- you two love each other, so damn much, and I ignored the signs because I wanted to be selfish. And that's not who I am." She cracked a smile and wiped a tear away. "I don't regret him, I never will, but I do wish we had done things a little differently." she shook her head and put on a somewhat cheery smile, "I- I really think you two should talk."

He sighed, his eyes drifting back to Michael on their own accord. "We did talk, a little bit. I think we're gonna be okay. We're gonna have to work at it, we're gonna have to work hard, but-" he stopped abruptly and realized he shouldn't be saying this to Maria right now. "I really am sorry you're hurting, and that I'm a part of the reason why. I know he made you happy."

She shook her head. "We may have been happy, Alex, but I don't think we were gonna last long. What we had was comfortable and there were no big stakes, not really. It was a safe kind of love, and those aren't the forever kind."

A lump rose in his throat and he swallowed thickly. "I'm really sorry."

She smiled. "Don't be. You said it yourself, loving him is the easiest thing in the world. You know what he said about loving you?" He shook his head and she smiled; it was somehow happy and sad at the same time. "He said it was like breathing to him. So, you two better work things out, because you both deserve to be loved _so completely,_ okay?"

"I don't know what to say," he admitted. 

"You don't have to say a thing. Just be happy."

He smiled, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision, and she smiled back. 

She looked down, avoiding his eyes. "Do you think you can forgive me?"

He shrugged, hiding a smile. "I get to steal the love of my life back, so I'd say you're more than forgiven. 

Her mouth dropped open and she let out a startled laugh. "That was _mean_." 

"Maria?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think _you_ can forgive me?"

She rolled her eyes and playfully poked his arm with her finger as she stood up. "There is nothing I wouldn't forgive you for, Alex Manes. We're gonna be okay, you and I."

"Thank you."

Maria bent down and kissed his cheek. "I'm gonna go now, okay? Gotta open up the bar."

Alex nodded. 

"I'm really glad you're okay, honey."

Tears prickled in his eyes as he watched her leave. But then he noticed that she shared a small smile with Michael and patted his arm. It eased his mind a bit, to see that they were on good terms, that he hadn't caused Michael to lose someone he loved. 

Alex let himself hope, and when Michael took Maria's place, he smiled at him. Michael smiled back, wide and genuine. "Hey."

Alex chuckled. "Hi."

Michael picked up his hand and was about to say something when Max and Isobel approached them, though Max seemed to hang back a bit. Michael closed his eyes in annoyance and Alex laughed at him.

Isobel came to stand by Michael, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad you're okay, Alex."

He smiled at her. "Thank you."

"You're coming to dinner once you're discharged," she declared, tone brooking no argument.

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, _am I_?" 

"Yes. I wanna know know what your intentions are with Michael."

" _Iz_ ," Michael hissed, and Alex laughed. She just shrugged.

Max joined them at the right time, preventing them from starting an argument. "Hey, man, good to see you're okay." he greeted him quietly, with a small smile on his lips.

"Thanks." 

He shifted from one foot to the other, obviously nervous, or maybe uncomfortable. "Listen, I wanted to apologize, because I hesitated. When Michael asked me to heal you, I hesitated and I shouldn't have. I was just-"

"Hey, that was my choice," Alex told him firmly, but kindly. "This is gonna be hard to explain to my superiors as it is. But at least now I can say I don't remember much about what happened because of my head injury and call it a day."

Max nodded, seemingly relieved. "Oh! Here," Max offered him a book, its cover black with a sprinkle of stars on it. He shrugged, looking sheepish. "Figured you might get bored in the hospital. I don't know how good it is, but the kid in the gift shop said it was good."

Alex smiled at Max, and when he opened to the first page and saw a poem, his smile widened even more. "Thanks, man."

"You'll have to excuse Max," Isobel interjected, "he hasn't gotten the memo that you can read books on your phone now," Isobel rolled her eyes. 

Max huffed and glared at her. "It's not the same, Iz!"

"Yes, it is! They're words, Max, you can read them on a screen just as well, if not better, than on paper. You're just a-"

"What are we talking about?" Liz asked as she came to stand beside Max, leaning into him. 

Kyle joined them too and was somehow roped into the debate. 

Alex held out his hand to Michael, who took it readily. Alex stared at their joined hands and marveled at how that small point of contact could fill his whole body with warmth.

He pulled him in by the shirt and kissed him, chaste and brief. Michael made a noise of protest when he pulled away and chased his lips. Alex laughed into the second kiss and felt Michael's smile rather than saw it because of how close he still was. 

Isobel cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow when they both turned to her with what he hoped were apologetic looks. She didn't look surprised. In fact, none of them did; they just seemed happy for them. 

"Please be considerate towards those of us who are currently single." She pointed between herself and Kyle.

Kyle lowered the finger she was pointing at him. "Speak for yourself, Evans."

Isobel huffed an annoyed breath and Alex did his best to tune them out after that. He laid his head on Michael's chest, and the other man's arm came around his shoulder immediately. Michael's hand soothingly ran through his hair and when Alex looked up at him, he found that Michael was looking back. He rested his forehead on Alex's and Alex closed his eyes, letting Michael's touch, his warmth and the sound of their family around them lull him into the saftey of sleep.  
....  
...  
..  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this story ended on a good note for you! And I hope it was as fun for you to read as it was for me to write. 
> 
> I had a bit of difficulty with writing this, mainly because it was ready before two days after chapter 6 but my niece fried my phone when she dropped it in the pool and- long story short, everything I wrote was gone. It took some time to have it written up again, so I hope it was okay.
> 
> I tried to mix in a few things that I thought fit into the fic from the episode, and I read and re read the whole story to make sure there aren't any inconsistencies, but if you find any, please let me know? 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for sticking with this story ❤


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